It all started with that damned Patricia Taxxon video, on the ethics of boinking animal people. It's a phenomenal video essay going into not just furry porn, but therian identities and being nonhuman. I think I saw art, furries, god first but ethics wasn't far after. I also started listening to Taxxons music around this time because part of a song from Agnes and Hilda was at the end of the ethics video, incredible music I have to say. Also, I hate that I know what the rodfellows is now.
Reading the comments on that video was really interesting, seeing peoples perspectives and hearing about their expereinces with therian, otherkin and nonhuman identities (abbreviated here as ΘΔ identities if unicode will allow it) and relating to them at some level. I had the idea on the bus back from classes one day for a giant plush rabbit riding the bus, people around it staring. Around new years I wrote Echo, and that should've really been the big red flag saying to look into this.
Flash forward to thinking about Echo too often when summer comes. A busy internship at a large printing company means I had to do something good with any downtime I had, and thinking of ΘΔ identities was that. I imagined waking up as a dog or a rabbit one day, having to tuck my ears into a baseball cap and my tail under my pants to be able to work. Would my fingers be dexterous enough to press the small buttons on the offset press? Would I be able to check sheets for alignment with the pinpoint tool we used to look at both sides? What if everybody just woke up as whoever or whatever they wanted. Wouldn't that be nice?
At a comics convention I went to a panel hosted by a friend on creating a fursona, and thats where I created mine. She's a jackalope girl with shaved horns (because trans) and little whiskers on purple cheek pads and she's really cute and also just.. me. When I would draw myself in journals or sketches on notes I'd draw her, because I wanted to be her. I'm normal, I swear.
From there it was a snowball. I asked people to call me bun and rabbit, first as a petname then as a pronoun. I thought of myself more as a rabbit, it felt right. While my therapist told me how many of my symptoms of anxiety and paranoia correlate with OCD I saw these traits as rabbit like. Rabbits worry, perk up at sounds, live in fear. They're prey animals, after all, and behavior like this is learned. Something something, abusive father, something something CPTSD, yada yada. Very recently, the bulkhead gave out and the world around me exploded. Turns out a few of my girlfriend's friends not only feel the same way, but share the same experiences and understand this part of my identity. The world is my oyster now! It redefines how I think about sex, gender, and life.
I've always been on the ace spectrum, I thought things like petting and praise were to a sexual end but really it was gender affirming. Being called a good rabbit is gender affirming, as strange as that is to say! Well I guess it's not that strange, really. Plenty of people feel some sort of connection to an animal, have endless decor and computer wallpapers and themed items around that animal. It's like that, but also I wish I was a giant plush rabbit please god I'm so normal about this it would fix me.
All plushies have to do all day is be pet and cuddled and loved, they don't need to think hard or worry or fear, it just needs to be good and cuddly for its friends. It's safe from any harm, sheltered by people who love it. I'm so happy I have this community to express this, and I hope I don't lose it anytime soon.